previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
And then she says to him, she says,
Now!
How I picture this scene kind of playing out
is like Vorunax climbs in and shuts the door behind him.
And there's just rocks back and forth
until there's just like a splat across all the windows.
Thea and Grancis are just watching from the outside.
Yeah.
Just being like, I wouldn't want to be that thing.
No.
Yeah, they should have built the doors a little bit bigger.
Maybe it could have gotten out.
God, do you think?
Oh, it's going to be everywhere.
Yeah, no, it's gotten into everything.
Like everybody's going to have to have.
That's going to need some detailing.
They probably don't have baths down here.
This is not good.
Do you think there's like a squeegee or something?
Can't even see out those windows anymore.
We see everybody go up to the helm,
the cockpit of this machine and look around.
Does anybody know how to start it?
I search a nearby body of one of the redcaps.
See if I can find a coin.
And I look under like the visor
like they always do in movies.
And Thea hops out and grabs the immovable rod.
Good call.
Give it a shot.
I flip Flint a coin.
Coins flipped.
Flint slides it in and the engine roars to life
as it screams out across the landscape.
It begins to roll towards the watchtowers at the River Styx.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your dungeon master Russ More.
He, him also with me today is Amy More.
Yeah, she, her.
And today I will be playing Thea Amastasia.
She, her and Gile Nighthunter Oglokanu.
She, they.
And Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me.
He, him and I am playing Flint Firebeard
who also goes with he, him.
And Carla Max dead.
She, her playing Lipsinki Pipdiggins.
Also she, her.
Kyle Claset.
Hey everyone.
He, him and I'm going to be playing Voronox.
Also he, him.
And because everything he says turns to gold
it's Cicero Holmes.
He, him.
And I will be playing Dents.
And he, him for me too.
So happy to have Dents back.
And Dents is here because of,
primarily because of the live show
and just an off comment in a post question
that was thrown to Cicero, not thrown to Dents.
It was thrown to Cicero about Dents.
And now we have you here and we are so happy for it.
Thank you for being here everybody.
Well, you know, the universe, the universe calls.
All I can do is answer.
That's right.
And we give the fans what they want
because they were all very excited about that.
About that lore that we're gonna create right now
that we previously thought about.
I have the high ground.
That's right.
You can hear that live show that we just did
when we hit a hundred patrons
that included both Kyle and Cicero.
And it was a blast at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
When you become a patron, you get that.
But you also get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron, Chris Harrison.
Thanks Chris.
Thank you so much.
Dang, you're so awesome.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now fuck it, let's play.
We hear the sounds of a crunching machine
rolling up and over the hills
and sounds of screaming and torture off in the distance.
Hot wind blows across the front of this infernal war machine
that grinds to a halt at the edge of
what was a crudely shaped road of skulls.
As our heroes step out,
they look out and over a dock scene.
There are people lined up and boats ferrying to and from.
In the background is down at the boardwalk playing.
Yes.
Because I think it should be.
But like a weird like warped record.
Mm hmm.
Like a spooky version.
Otis Redding is, he's there,
but the sound is just coming out of his open mouth.
Terrifying.
As if he is the speaker.
Yeah.
Oh, gross.
Because you're in hell.
You know, I never got around here that much.
I actually, this is pretty nice.
Well, this reminds me, are you,
this time thing is so confusing,
but are you in that apartment
where you have that huge sculpture
made out of all the skulls?
Because it's quite reminiscent of this road
and it was very cool.
It was like, you guys,
it was like this sort of art installation
and it was huge and you could flip that switch,
remember, and kind of blood would pour out of their eyes.
It was really just beautiful.
Where did you get skulls?
Just all over the place.
They're just, they're around
when you work for Orcus.
Now, did you hire like an interior designer for this?
I mean, they are made of skulls,
so interior designer is a very apt way to put it.
Okay.
I get it.
Oh, this is a creepy conversation.
But yes, I just had that feature finished.
Just, yeah, sorry.
Did you put my skull in the keystone spot
like you said you were going to?
Yes, did you choose skull of people you knew?
Oh, of course.
The entire-
I forgot you were past Vorunax.
The entire keystone is just you.
Wow.
Well, that's a real honor.
I think you're giving them a little-
That's pretty special.
You know, so much time-
Don't let that go to your head.
So much time being tortured down in the abyss
and you get-
Hold your head high.
You get that kind of treatment after you go?
Oh, yeah.
You can't get that at the Marriott?
Yeah.
Good benefits package.
Good severance package.
Not a sponsor.
I mean, I would hope not if you can't even get that at the-
No, right?
If someone isn't going to take my skull from my body
and put it in some sort of art installment after I leave,
then I don't even want to stay there.
I mean, it sounds like y'all are coming around to Orcus
and I just-
I mean-
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, all right.
Don't-
Yeah, we're just-
We're making small talk.
Anyway, I was under the impression there was
one ferryman across the River Styx.
Is that just-
Is that just like make-believe?
I thought that was common knowledge?
That is also what I had heard, but it looks like-
I mean, look at-
There's so-
There's so many.
How do we even pick one?
There's a whole situation down here.
You begin to move up and towards the dock
and the line's going pretty quick
and by the time you get up to the front of the line,
there is a tall robed figure,
a very gaunt and inset.
He's checking his clipboard
and sees you walk up and looks down
and down at the very end of the dock
There's this like ramshackle old sailboat
with tarps all across the top
and you see a figure, a shadowy figure
standing at the helm of that one
and he says, names, please.
And I just kind of turn to Vorunax and be like,
we did not properly plan this out.
Do we give him our real names?
Do they know our names anyway?
Do we give fake names?
What do we do here?
I didn't-
I didn't think names mattered down here.
So, no.
And I just walk past him.
Excuse me, sir.
We require a payment to be ferried.
Oh, payment we can do.
Yes, are you on-
Names we can't.
We don't-
We lost them.
Well, you've passed the test.
There's no names on this list.
I just stand here looking important.
So you don't even need the money?
Well, no, I do need the money.
That's the one thing I do need.
It just says, take money.
If they give you your name, well, you own their soul.
I always got to read the fine print.
It's kind of a trick.
Now, how much of that actually goes to the ferrymen?
If I just paid them directly,
wouldn't that cut you out and benefit them more?
I'm more of a contractor.
I make sure ferrymen-
It's a busy time for ferrymen.
We've had to bring on some new blood
to really just pick up the pace.
You saw there was a big rush.
There was a big rush.
You just got in right at the end
and there's only one ferry left.
It'll be eons before another one comes back.
Like literal eons?
I look to the rest of the group.
Soul coin.
You can pay him whatever you want.
Taps his skeletal finger in his hand.
All right, I bust out and put a soul coin.
It screams as you transfer it to his hand
and he grasps it tight
and there's like this, he kind of smells it,
puts it in his pocket, as you were.
Head on down to the boat.
That was so gross.
I mean, did anyone else think he was going to smell the money?
No, I hadn't even considered that as a possibility, but-
I kind of want to smell one now.
I don't recommend it.
I spend a weekend huffing souls
and it was a very, very bleak weekend.
Noted.
Okay.
You make your way down the dock
and to a catwalk leading up into this sailboat.
Hello?
Yeah, hello.
Well, where are you going?
You know, just playing.
Okay.
You can only go one place.
You're funny.
Sorry, could you describe Dents once again
as these characters see him?
Yeah, so Dents is, he's an Arakorka,
which is a great character name that I can never say.
A great race.
It's always good to not be able to pronounce a race
and he is, I don't know, so he's about six, five, six, six.
I don't know what that is in meters because I'm an American.
No, we do high feet inches.
Two and a bit.
All right.
There we go.
So we measure things in Canada.
How tall are you?
Two and a bit.
How are you now?
So yeah, and he's, so you can't really see his feathers
because he is kind of robed,
but you do definitely see his face, which is,
you know, it's a, he's dark feathered.
And he's, his, his hair is kind of like, or hair.
So at the top of his head, they're kind of like in braids,
straight, straight back on his scalp.
And, and, and then like, I guess, tied back into a ponytail
as he lifts his, his hood off to reveal himself.
So they're almost, almost kind of knotted, knotted back there.
But he, yeah, he is tall.
There's not much that you can make out
in terms of facial features because of, of his race,
but, you know, he's dense.
You know, well, this is quite a bit of you.
Is, is that a problem?
Well, usually it's just one or two, but
I don't know, maybe it'll cost you extra.
Maybe?
There's, yeah, there's, there's no water or candy in the back.
Sorry about that.
And this is the worst Uber I've ever taken.
And yeah, the, the only thing I've got here is,
it's my mixtape.
Look, there's some is blue and some is red,
but I mixed them up.
And then, so like sometimes you can make purple ones.
Here, check this out.
It's my mixtape.
Very nice.
Wow, that's very, very cool.
We did pay the man back there, but we, we asked him,
we assume we also offer you some sort of rotuity or,
I mean, cause he's getting the majority of that, isn't he?
Well, yeah, he gets all of that.
That's just, yeah, that's, that's the entrance fee.
Okay.
But then, you know, we suggest that you,
you, donations are appreciated.
We, we have suggestions on, on how much you pay someone,
but, you know, it's up to you.
Is it like a sliding scale sort of thing?
Give what you can.
It's a gig economy.
I have heard that.
Yeah.
I mean, we, we both used to be evil,
but we're not assholes.
Obviously we're going to give you a good rotuity
because we're not monsters.
We're just reformed killers.
I mean, it has, it has been a while.
So what do you think the proper rotuity for a trip
to say Thanatos would be?
Oh, oh, so there is a different place you wanted to go.
Oh, well, well, I would say a soul coin
definitely get you there.
I think we still have some of those.
Will it get us there safely?
Oh, well, then that would,
that would be two or three soul coins.
How many soul coins do we have?
How many soul coins do they have?
I think you, I think you.
Like we were telling you.
Yeah, that's right.
Cicero, take your headphones off.
Just show me, show me the number.
Earmuffs, earmuffs.
Put your, put your hands down here
and give me a one, two, three, four.
I think, I think it's seven.
No, yeah, I was going to say
show Amy secretly, but that's okay.
Player knowledge, character knowledge.
Now dense doesn't know, only Cicero.
Dense knows nothing, but we've used some.
We did.
We had to use one in order to power the thing.
Right.
And then we just paid one, so.
And then some others.
Yeah.
Maybe.
Yeah, Snifdom, what did you do with them?
No.
Problem.
They're all used up.
So we have a few.
Let's just, let's just assume we have a few of them.
Perhaps we give one now
and one when we safely arrive.
I like that option.
Okay, well, sure.
All right.
Well, we can go then if you're, if you want to go.
Yeah, I think time is of the essence.
We should probably go now.
All right.
Well, then let's get started.
Dense shoves off and he starts to row.
So do you guys come around here, you know, often?
Uh, first time for me.
Yeah, first time over here.
Um, how do you, how does one become a ferryman?
Well, uh, I think, like I said, oh, I'm sorry.
Dense is my name.
I am your ferryman tonight.
And, uh, if you look off to your right, you'll see nothing.
And, uh, if you look off to your left, you'll see more nothing.
Ooh, that nothing's fun.
Yes, you may, um, enjoy some of the screams of the damned.
And, uh, how did I, how did I get started?
Um, well, uh, as, as, as, as I said, uh, it's a gig economy.
And, uh, you know, the one thing that I know, I don't know a lot about a lot of things.
The one thing I know is that, uh, in order to eat,
you need to be fed.
And in order to be fed, you need to get food.
And in order to get food, you gotta pay for it.
In order to pay for it, you gotta get money.
We cut ahead several, several hours and you're winding down the, the, the river moves very slowly.
And, uh, it's just where it's like flashing in and out of different parts of Dense's life.
As we get here, um, until dense, you notice up ahead, uh, there's a ridge that is kind of
rolls up and into further back into the land of Avernus.
And you hear, uh, over the, the low splashing waves and the, uh, screams of the damned.
That one's falling.
And, and, and in order to get, uh, food, uh, you've gotta get more money
to work with things and, oh, wait a minute.
There's a sound of an infernal war machine,
like just beyond where you can see grinding up and towards your location.
That how, oh, wait a minute.
Is there a problem?
You stopped your extra long story about the gig economy.
Did you, did you hear, did you hear that?
You all look and turn to a ridge, uh, further down the river and there is, um,
a two wheeled war machine with like this red haired figure.
It's Smiler who's come back up and a bigger war machine coming in behind.
Dense, you notice immediately that it's got the brand of Mad Maggie on this larger war machine.
And Smiler, he's, he's, you can't hear what he's saying.
He's too far down, but he's pointing at you.
And they're positioning this larger war machine.
It has like these giant spear guns on the back.
And it looks like they're prepping them to fire them at you.
Oh, this bitch.
I can't believe this guy.
At first we see him pee like a hundred times.
And then he ditches us as soon as shit starts to get kind of real.
And then now he's what?
Ambushing us?
This is he wants soul coins back.
What does he want?
I want to fuck him up.
This is, hey, this is one of those guys that we can.
Yeah.
Right.
He's a bad guy.
He seems kind of bad.
He was like, I mean, we used him a little bit there at the beginning to get what we needed,
but it was mutually beneficial.
And now he's being an asshole and turning his back.
I don't think so.
Wait, uh, you guys have problems with Mad Maggie?
Oh, no.
We've got problems with Smiler.
We don't even know Mad Maggie.
That red hair.
This is the first I've heard of Mad Maggie.
We know him.
Who's?
Those are, those are Mad Maggie's vehicles over there.
And is she somebody who's like a welcome wagon or somebody very friendly who's probably...
Are y'all on good terms?
Well, yeah, I'm on, I'm on good terms with Mad Maggie.
I don't want to be on bad terms with her.
We were not on bad terms with Mad Maggie.
Well, it looks like...
Or Smiler, for that matter.
Oh, is that the, who's that is?
That's Smiler?
Yeah.
He turns and begins peeing into the wind.
Just laughing.
He's not even holding it, is he?
No, he's just waving it.
He's just waving it.
God damn it.
You see...
Fucking Chaos Demon, Jesus!
You see what looks like two people and they are, they are conjoined at the hip.
They are hopping up on top of this larger war machine
and you hear like this large crank that they're pulling.
That does not sound good.
No, it doesn't.
No, I think they want me to go over there.
Maybe we can row faster and...
Yeah, do you have more oars?
We could all maybe just like really kind of get it going and just...
I'm very strong.
I can do this so fast.
They're very strong.
If you look to your sides, you get an oar and you get an oar and you get an oar.
Everyone gets an oar.
Are you going to give up easily or are we going to have to pull you in?
Russ, quick question.
Is Smiler within 60 feet of me?
How long do rivers go?
Mean widthwise?
Title of episode?
How long do rivers go?
How long does river go?
Well, say you're approaching that distance.
How far is the range on the harpoon?
The harpoon is 120 feet.
So they would position themselves pretty far down the river.
So we'll say you're probably at like 80 to 100 feet from them.
But closing.
Once we get within 60 feet, once Smiler is within 60 feet of us,
I'm going to cast darkness on his machine.
Cicero, how fast do we think your boat moves per round?
Just guesstimating.
Guessing, I would say per round, I would probably say 40 feet.
Okay, that sounds like a slow moving river.
If we're all paddling, 40 feet sounds pretty good.
Yeah, that would probably pick up the pace to make it that 40 feet.
Absolutely.
Love it.
Okay, they're going to fire their harpoon flinger at you.
Harpoon flinger.
Aiming for the boat, which is an 18 to hit.
What's our boat's boat?
Boat AC, I think sits around between a 10 to a 12,
being that it's just a sailboat.
But it's covered in tarps.
You did mention the tarps.
I will make it the 12.
12 for tarps.
Yeah, you will.
Plus two for tarps.
So you hear this like, and this harpoon soars through the air towards you.
I'll give anybody a reaction who could do something to deflect it.
I'll throw my dwarven hammer at it.
Yeah, I'll step forward with his shield.
We got shield in case the dwarven hammer misses.
So give me an attack roll with your dwarven hammer.
Do it.
Please.
All right, coming up.
It's going to be such a cool moment.
That is, with a plus 14.
Jesus fucking Christ.
32.
You know what?
It was a 33.
Fuck you.
You said 18.
God damn it.
Yes.
Yes, it does hit.
Varnock steps forward with a shield to take a massive, massive harpoon.
But Flint, you step forward and whip your dwarven thrower.
And it zips through the air, ringing out and careens into this harpoon,
deflecting it off and into the water below.
And you see hands coming up and like grabbing at it and pulling it down.
And then you hear like, oh,
oh, because it was just a harpoon.
And all the souls are sad.
So disappointed.
As I catch the dwarven thrower, I flip the bird over at the guy on the shore.
Oh, that's how it is.
Hey, Badruck Bill, let's load this baby up.
They're going to take a minute.
Thea yells up, excuse me, why are you doing this?
Because there's a warrant out for your head.
And in Mad Maggie, you took out a couple of her vehicles there and a bunch of her people.
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you mean the ones you told us to target?
The ones that you got us to target?
Oh, Badruck Bill, don't worry what they're saying.
They were the ones in control.
They were the ones in charge.
Yeah, we're new here.
We're definitely in charge.
You're going to listen to this guy.
He pees without holding his willy.
Well, we pee without holding our willies, too.
We're Siamese, so sometimes we hold each other's willies just to be supportive.
It's how it goes.
Well, I mean, you do you, but like, can we maybe talk about this?
No.
Well, ask an answer, I guess.
Ask an answer, I mean.
Flint will say you went popcorn initiative.
Let's make it cinematic.
All right, as I catch the dwarven thrower and flip him the bird,
I point over at Lip Sinky, double finger style.
I'm like, what you got?
Oh, I got something, all right.
Could I, so how far away are they now?
120, we'll get them as we keep going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Could I cast?
I haven't gone a full round, so we're still that eight.
Okay, perfect.
I'm going to try and cast Crown of Madness on them
so they need to succeed or one of them.
I'm not sure, you determine that.
Has to succeed on a wisdom saving throw or they become charmed by me.
It's what it says.
Russ determines that.
It's written in the guide.
Yeah.
They are two, you know, two.
Well, if they have two brains and she can only target one,
they're two people, this is it.
Oh, you're going for Badric and Bill.
Yes, yes.
Yep, got it.
Smiler's just peeing in an uncomfortable way.
I mean, I don't like him, but he's not actively firing at us.
Yeah, he's not actively.
Yeah, they both have two separate entities,
so you would have to target one.
Okay, I'll pick one, the one on my left.
That's going to be Badric.
Great.
Badric needs to make a wisdom saving throw.
19 on the die.
He's not very smart.
I'm going to give him a zero.
It's a 19.
Well, so nothing happens, I think.
Oh, that's unfortunate.
Let me double check.
Hate that.
No, it's no fun.
All this cool stuff was going to happen.
He was going to have to throw himself off a cliff.
That would have been fun for Russ to play out
with one half of him being like,
no, we have to go over this cliff.
What did he have to beat?
A 17.
It gets high, but a 19.
Okay, so Libsynkey just, I think then,
because I read my character sheet a little bit.
Great tip, guys.
Read your character sheets.
I guess I can sort of meld into darkness and become invisible,
so I'm going to just do that.
Okay.
It's not going to matter if they sink our boat,
but it makes me feel better.
Thea, can you like blast him with something or?
I would love to.
And she leans over to Flint and she's like,
hey, remember Silvery Cove when we were like,
remember, okay, remember all those dark elves?
I mean, it's not really ringing a bell, but.
Okay, never mind.
And she is going to.
I'm going to cast fourth level scat.
Okay, I'm going to call lightning down upon the whole shebang.
It is in a 60 foot radius around them on top of that fucking ridge.
Yeah, that's a 14 and a four 14 for the first miler.
Okay, well, neither of those work.
So give me some damage.
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
So I'm only casting it at third level.
Yeah, fuck them up, Thea.
Yeah, yeah, I've been able to fuck anybody up in such a long time.
I don't even know what dice I'm using.
I don't want yours.
Don't get out of here.
Sorry, that came off like really.
That was aggressive.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, when you're in hell calling lightning, it's good to be aggressive.
Yeah, I just got all excited.
Okay, 40, 10, here we go.
Oh shit, that one didn't go anywhere.
Okay, 16, 21, 22 lightning damage.
This dusty, murky cloud forms above and it's you can see the static
shooting between the cloud formations as they're coming in and they shoot down
and through these two and they light up like cartoons and you see their skeleton
and then when it clears, there's smoke coming out of their ears
and they look to each other and that really hurt.
You want to talk about it?
No, we want to sink you.
Can we paddle harder?
I imagine since we each, in my mind, we each have one paddle.
So like, I wouldn't say maybe we're not quite in sync yet.
So it's a little.
But one person takes a turn, you drift to the left.
Well, and Night Hunter is so strong.
Like I'm a no, she's a goliath.
So if we're on it, we'll figure it out.
Yeah, we got this.
Do you want to do anything else?
No, I will, however, ready my second action that if someone were to like hop on,
like board the ship, that I would stab them with my daggers.
Vorunax, this is your house.
Why don't you clean up a little bit?
I will.
I'm going to look at Smiler and I'm going to bust out the good old classic Eldritch Blast.
Yeah, classic for a reason.
He's busy like trying to fix his hair as you're casting your spell.
17?
I believe so, yes.
Rolling damages.
29.
Blasts go out and as he's like fixing his hair and readjusting his crown on his head,
he gets hit by these and blown back to the dirt.
And then like this poof of what you know is not dirt.
It's bone dust and gross.
It's like splatters up behind him.
Can you just hear?
There's another as one of these harpoons looses again.
That's a 19 to hit.
I'll definitely step forward and take it.
You're going to jump in front of the harpoon.
Yeah, I got an AC of 22.
All right, all right.
Yeah, you jump in front of it with your shield and this long harpoon glints off of it.
Magical.
More disappointed moans.
I hear those disappointed moans and then, Dents, you're first to kind of sense like
just rock in the boat as you feel or as you see rather ghostly hands climbing up the side
of the boat, beginning to try and pull and grab at anything they can from the edges.
What dense does is you you look at dense and you see him as he's still paddling furiously.
You can see there's something going on within him and he closes his eyes and when his eyes reopen
instead of the brown eyes, the brownish green eyes that you had seen before,
his eyes just become a sea of blue.
He casts wall of water up in front of all of the all of the the the Spears and and Smiler
to protect.
So part of the river rises up 30 feet in the air as we're still paddling going forward.
Um, so he senses that those those hands are coming up and trying to grab onto the boat,
but he is equally concerned with the people that are in front of him and he is now concentrating
using this wall of water to protect to create a literal wall of water kind of 10 Commandment
style as as the boat is going forward.
Very cool.
All right.
So you got a disadvantage on the on the range.
We picture a bend in the river and Smiler and Badrick and Bill, the Siamese twins,
Barbarian and Cleric.
Thank you, Cal Waterflame for the description of these characters.
They're up on a hill and this bends around.
So I'm going to picture like your wall of water isn't obscuring your way around,
but but is blocking at least some line of sight from from the war machine.
Is it possible that some of the creatures whose hands were reaching toward the boat
have been lifted up into this wall of water and now they're like,
Oh, is it just filled with bodies?
Yeah, I like that.
So yeah, it's definitely filled with souls and bodies drifting down the river.
So yeah, as it pulls up like the hands pull away from the boat
as a kind of a vacuum effect, pulling some of this away and up into the wall.
So in the wall, you see all these ghostly and gaunt images of skeletal and
and ghost like figures like trying to swim through it and up through it and
trying to get back out towards you that they now see and are staring down towards you.
This is mildly terrifying.
That's a good break for commercial.
Welcome to the middle.
It's me your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thank you for being here with us.
Welcome to the new year.
It's our first episode and we're so excited to be releasing new episodes again.
It feels like it's been a bit little rusty getting back into it, but it's here now.
And we got Cicero and we got Kyle and a little
I guess rundown of how this next little bit is going to work.
The last time we saw Mooklim and Sully and Agath, they hit a point.
I'm not going to spoil anything.
If you haven't listened to that episode yet,
maybe you're just listening to this timeline, but they hit a point where
it makes sense to put a little pause on that story.
So we've got a little catching up to do with this story.
We will be streamlining just to this story for the next several episodes
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That's what's going to happen.
Also wanted to let you know that we're refreshing our Patreon tiers
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That's happening.
That review and refresh is happening throughout January, launching again in February.
Patrons know, but you now know there's no game time in January,
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A whole lot of things to say that there's more coming.
Welcome back. Thank you so much for being here.
We hope you had a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year.
And like, I want to say so much about what we have recorded
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We'll say you've gone ahead another 40 feet.
You hear like the grinding of this of this war machine.
Smiler is who's been just an asshole.
Who has been an asshole more than anything.
Is going to cast Otto's Irresistible Dance
because that's more fun.
Otto's Irresistible Dance on Vorunax.
He's going to try on Vorunax.
Wisdom save.
Wisdom save. You've got it.
That is a 29.
Yeah. So you see up on the hill, he's beginning to dance
and like there's these colors coming out of his hands
and greens and grays and blues.
And this force like waves out up.
It follows up and over the wall
and hits you square in the chest, Vorunax.
And you feel in your head like this music playing
but manage to through whatever means you fight it off.
Manage to fight it off.
I would assume it's even more fiery dance moves in comparison.
You like break dance repellent.
He got served.
Drive in and just hit him with a wave.
Okay. You steer there Bill.
Badrick and Bill go hop in
and you hear the scream of the soul coin
as they put it into this war machine
and it fires up and begins careening down towards the water.
Here, let's go to Nighthunter.
You look over and Grancis is like,
I forgot to study for the test everybody.
I'm just reading my book.
That is okay old man.
I'll be ready by the time we get to Orcus.
Out of one of her, don't know the name of it,
thing on her back that is like a quiver
but carries her javelins.
Her jiver.
Yes.
That's the one.
From that, yes and, from her jiver,
she takes a javelin out and aims at who can she see?
Are these people still on top?
Is Smiler on top?
Smiler's up on top.
His war machine, his two-wheeled war machine is up on top.
The bigger war machine is careening down this hill
so you kind of lose line of sight of it
behind the wall of water
but you could still see Smiler from there.
I'm going for Smiler
and I'm going to throw my javelin at him.
That was a wild ride for 23, 24.
Both of them.
Okay for nine and then she's gonna take out
like a second javelin.
She came prepared for a 29.
Yep.
And 12 damage.
Both of these javelins fly through the air
as he's cheering on the war machine
as it's going down towards.
And like they sink in.
Where are you gonna hit him?
I want like shoulder shoulder
or like pectoral pectoral.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah.
They hit like the first one into the shoulder
and sticks back down
and then the second one as he looks up and sees it
hits him in the second one
and he falls backwards but he's propped up.
So he's leaning back and stuck.
He's in a stuck position
with these javelins skewered through him
lets out a scream and with that scream
like this this lush green rain forest
kind of churns around him
and is now enveloping the area he was in.
I think I broke him.
The war machine comes down and crashes into the water
and you see Badrick and Bill just in the nick of time
jump off but then fall into the water
behind the war machine
and you see them
through the wall of water being grabbed at
and they're like, oh, oh, no, no, smile, smile.
Oh, he left us.
Oh, Meg is gonna be so upset.
But with that a big wave comes towards you.
Dance, make a piloting check.
Probably a dexterity or intelligence.
Whichever you prefer, knowledge of boats
or ability to react to what's coming.
All right, I got it.
Or something else if you can justify.
Dirty 20.
Love it.
So describe the scene that you narrow.
You avoid capsizing.
Great.
Right.
But yeah, describe the scene as you avoid
this wave that's breaking through your wall of water
and coming towards your boat.
So there was this movie that was based on a true story
off the shore of Massachusetts
and I think Marky Mark was in it or something like that
and so there's this just this wave
this giant wave of water
and so the boat is coming up
and you see the hands are coming
and somehow the boat still is still gaining momentum
as it's going up this giant wall of water
and then like as we get to the top
like the top of the boat is out of the water
and from the sides you can see Smiler on the ridge
and look down and see the wall of water
as the boat finally comes down on top of the wave.
There's a huge splash as the boat hits down
and almost it propelled by a motor
like all of you like hit your stride at the exact right moment
and all of your oars begin paddling into this turn
that you have created here
begin motoring down this very still water that lays before you.
You hear murmured cries of pain and despair
as Bill and Badrick are sucked into the river sticks
and Smiler is trying to get himself off of the skewers
and you see ahead of you
Dents would know it as a portal to the Plane of Infinite Portals
or Pezunia which is your way out of Avernus
and the only way to get towards
where your new fare needs to go down into the abyss.
Pezunia!
And we keep paddling and so Dents is on the till, right?
On the tiller.
Shout out to John McCain.
So yeah so we're he is he is paddling with one hand
concentrating he's grabbing the tiller with the other hand
and concentrating on the water and the wall of water
with with the the rest of his brain
as well as his eyes is looking towards this portal
and he goes Pezunia and and and points Pezunia
and starts directing the boat directly towards the portals.
It's is that is that is this part of this the portal?
Well sure well I mean my job is to get you from point A
through Avernus.
This is the way this is the way.
This is the way this is the way I I believe you hear rumbling
sounds of more infernal war machines coming from behind you
and Dents you look behind you and you see
uh like almost the entire fleet of Mad Maggie's
infernal war machines and you see Mad Maggie sitting on top of one of them
and she's looking down at Smiler and like off in the distance towards you
as you disappear through this portal and you hear just a
shrill scream of hatred echoing out as you are sucked into this new area.
Um I think she was happy.
I I think so too.
I think she was happy.
Sounded like the shriek of a happy person.
Yes yes.
Before you you see the land or the first layer
abyssal layer of Pezunia.
Pezuntite.
It is a too slow too slow.
That's what we call a callback.
Yeah that's right.
Yeah yeah.
Everybody's on the same page though.
Good yeah.
You see the vast land of Pezunia stretch out before you
as you're moving down this now slow grade waterfall.
The land is covered with rocky windswept barrens dotted with huge pits of like black
ichor canyons that are carved wide through this land.
It's lit by this huge dark red sun
and there's an iron fortresses that dot the entire landscape.
There are these winged creatures you hear calling up above
screams and they begin circling the boat as you enter
and are following you as you move down across this.
The river ahead of you splits off into several different tributaries
all of which you see have different portals at the end of them.
You well clearly you guys
know how to make opposite friends
and I can see why because you guys want to still go to Thanatos.
Are you sure you want to do that?
I mean I'm I'm still I'm still game for this.
Yeah I mean it's where we have we have to be to save the world or whatever.
Oh yeah that's why we're doing this I kind of forgot.
It looks like the night hunter fell asleep so I'll speak for them.
They're on board.
They're they're in it to win it.
A game 110 percent ready to just kick Orcus butt.
Don't dance yeah yeah that's that's where we're needing to go.
While we're heading that way can I cast major image so that we just look like we're just
just uh are we still on the river is still going through or
yeah that we just look like river.
Oh okay okay.
So do they the creatures can't see us I mean if they try and touch us they
will learn that we are not just river we are boat.
Um but otherwise um yeah like I can't damage anything or anything but I can cast a
pretty powerful illusion including sound smells temperature appropriate to the thing you depict.
All right you cast that boat basically disappears for these creatures above and you see them um
you do this as they begin like swooping down um and they land on like the river
bank and they're watching where you were and are surrounding um and the you you're moving down
at a at a slower pace still moving as quickly as you can but you can only move so fast
and they begin like crashing into the water themselves trying to figure out where you are
and they do this a five yeah miss on both sides of you trying to figure out a location
just as you're rounding a final bend to get towards this open portal one of them
you look up and you see it's coming right for you we have anybody one one moment reaction
before it crashes into you.
How how heavy are these birds?
As they get nearer towards you and you like see them they're they're humanoid size
so they're like five to seven feet tall big long wingspan so they're pretty pretty large.
Oh okay.
So put them at two to three hundred pounds.
All right well then uh dense would like to cast cloud of daggers so uh I put a cloud
of spinning daggers just just above the boat okay that that are spinning around and any
creature when it enters the spell area has to take uh 4d force lashing damage.
All right uh we're gonna we're gonna say that it definitely does hit it's because it's it's
like bee lining for your location it doesn't necessarily know you're there but um it goes
and it hits those daggers and you see like for what this creature this hideous bane popping
grotesque like flesh sloughing off of its face creature um is it looks like an immediate
sense of panic and lets out a call and continues down forwards and hits into the boat dispersing
the daggers behind it which ripples out your effect and they all begin swarming
and bombing your location as you're getting close to.
Dumbgeons and Dragons season two episode 141 starring Amy More as Thea and Night Hunter,
Carla Maxted as Lipsinki, Tom Laird as Flint, with Kyle Claset as Vorunax, Cicero Holmes as
Dents, and Russ More as your dungeon master. Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted and sound
design by Russ More. This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and Artlist and
sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library, and Thea and Nighthunter.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and Artlist and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas. And a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Jessica Babyok, Kat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Craig Zeiss, Perry Matey,
Kayla Littlejohn, L.A. Branton, Nathaniel Teeter, Old School Gamer D,
Ongarong Kierzan, and Destiny Garcia. Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
and receive hundreds, literal hundreds of hours of bonus content,
hangouts with the cast, and a whole lot more. You have a great week, we'll talk to you soon.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.